THE STORY OF THIS CD
|The time was the year (1995-1996): I lived frugally to make this CD project possible. I had no car. I traveled and taught most of the time. My possessions were packed in an attic in Basel, Switzerland. I had no home of my own for one and one-half years. Some sacrifice was necessary to make this project possible. Yet I have had support from unseen hands helping this project along. This has given me the assurity that I am on some worthy mission. My musicians, arranger and engineer have worked hard and long with small monetary recompense; providing vital and inspired help. Thank you dear friends.
Whenever I needed something for this project, I received it fast. When my money was invested in CD production and I couldnt afford a keyboard for my musical composition, a dear friend asked if she could arrange some therapy sessions for me to give. I earned 2/3 enough for the keyboard I wanted in one evening. And the husband of one of the clients works in a music store and purchased the keyboard for me at his cost, which was exactly 2/3 of the retail price. So I earned my keyboard in that one night and received it by mail two days later.
When I was 19 and beginning to relate to women, an older, wise woman who I call Goddess appeared in my dreams and instructed me in how to better relate to, respect and love women. Over the next 6 years she taught me valuable and important lessons. In that first dream meeting, her first words to me were:
I took her words to heart and asked myself why I was attracted to specific women. I became curious and interested in those women, paid close attention to them, and asked them questions about themselves and their wishes. Thereby I discovered that there was a good reason that these particular women attracted me: They were fantastic individuals with fascinating interests! My joy in relating to women deepened as I so learned to appreciate them as complete beings with their own worthy and interesting points of view.
When I had reached this stage, Goddess appeared in my dreams again and gave me my next lesson:
This sounded good, but I just didn’t know how to do it. I didn’t know I had a female side, let alone that I projected her onto females. One year later, my favorite woman friend, Celeste, echoed the same words: "I don’t know what it is about you, Robert. But you have this image of an ideal woman in your head and you always try to make me act like her. I am not like her at all! And if you don’t stop this immediately, I won’t see you anymore!" I recognized that I was being presented with the same lesson that Goddess had given in my dreams. Now I had to do it or lose my favorite friend. I withdrew my projections. Two things happened. First, I discovered that I really do have a female side. I am half female! I never knew that before. This is an ongoing discovery that enriches my life every day. Second, I gave Celeste full freedom to be how she is. Free from all expectations from me, she often amazed and entertained me with wacky and wonderful surprises that greatly enriched my life and our time together. Both results caused great improvements in the quality of my life.
Then Goddess came again in my dreams and said: "Good. You have learned the first two lessons and put them into practice. But remember, you must consciously do so with each woman you meet at each encounter or you will fall back into your old behavior. You have now reached the normal maturity for a 24 year old man. I admit that most men do not come so far in their whole lives. Still, you haven’t accomplished much yet, so don’t start getting proud." She never was very generous with compliments, but she was taught always spot on. She continued, "The next stage, if you wish to continue to make progress in understanding and relating to women is not individual (like the last two steps) but rather social. Your job now is to teach other men the first two lessons I have taught to you. We are all so connected within that either you help lift them up or they will hold you down. Your deeds can be like yeast in the dough of mass consciousness, helping it to rise. If you can make progress in helping men to better relate to and love women, I will reward you. For I am not only the great woman (she was about 4 meters tall in this dream), I am also the great fish. I will sit you upon my tail and take you into the sea. You don’t need to worry about air or food. I will take care of everything. I will take you on a undersea journey for three days and show you things that land men never see." I understand this to be a invitation to a symbolic journey through the subconscious. I want to go on this great adventure. But I must do my part to earn the honor.
In any case, each time I have done what she in my dreams advised me, my life has taken on new dimentions of joy and and depth of meaning. So this then is my work, my real work, my calling.
Yet how unworthy I felt myself to be for such a task. Why should men listen to me? I had no ideal relationship with a woman to point to as a model of what could be. I didnt do what she told me to do. Twenty years long this dream haunted me with guilt that I had made so little progress toward this, my true work.
I identifed with the story of Jonah in the Old Testament. Jonah, was directed by God to go to Nineveh and lecture to the people about their sins and the need to rectify their ways. He felt completely unworthy and incapable of such a task. He didn’t do it. He took a book trip elsewhere to escape. Then an unexpected storm arose. The captain ordered all goods to be thrown overboard to make the ship more capable of surviving the storm. He instructed all to pray to their gods for assistance. He found Jonah ignoring the instruction to pray and fast asleep in the hold of the boat. The navigator told the captain that Jonah was the cause of the unexpected storm. The captain had Jonah thrown overboard. Next, God sent a big fish which swallowed him. He lived in fish guts for three days. During this time in the fish, he promised God that he would do as instructed. Then he was unceremoniously vomited up on the shore. He washed fish slime off with sea water, got his things together and went to Nineveh. Jonah approached some citizen, probably stared at the ground and murmered something like, "God says that you guys are blowing it and need to clean up you act or He will destroy you". The citizen cried out, "Hey everybody, did you hear what that guy said? It is really important!..." And Johan had great success.
So I analyzed my talents and abilities to discover how best to accomplish this endeavor. I strive to consciously honor women in my thoughts and deeds. When men speak degradingly of women, I confront them and request them to consider what they are doing, explain how it degrades them too, and request them to desist. I tell them if they wish to continue, that I must leave. If I am where men are degrading women with their dirty talk, I must confront or immediately leave. If I remain there silent, I become infected with their ways and soon also speak like them. The Goddess is right. Either I help men to arise or they hold me down.
I am a teacher, therapist, psychologist, goldsmith and musician. I thought of teaching courses for men. But, the men who have the most to learn would not likely attend such courses. I weave these ideas into each course I teach. And I teach women in my courses how to make creative changed in the behavior of their men. As a therapist and psychologist, I have been able, and continue to help a limited number of men to make good changes in how they relate to women. But I want to impact greater numbers of men than one-on-one therapy allows.
I make jewelry with symbols of Goddesses, and give the owners small stories they can share. Those who wear such jewelry are asked about it and have a chance to share stories that exalt and honor the feminine principle. This plants seed ideas in the minds of men.
However, with these mentioned activities I have not been able to affect very many men. To have greater social impact, I need to reach great numbers of men with these ideas in an effective, persuasive way. For this reason, I have chosen the medium of music and song. A catchy melody wont let you go. It continues on and on in your head. By associating seedling ideas with such melodies, I hope to inspire and promote, initiate and infect men with new lines of thought honoring women.
My Current Position (August, 2002)